


Hopeless, Hopeless

by fabricsofteners



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (Obviously), (no I'm not), 7-11, Bisexual Chloe Valentine, Bisexual Jake Dillinger, Bisexual Rich Goranski, Gay Michael Mell, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jeremy Heere is kind of the worst, M/M, Michael does too, Post-Squip, Rich needs a hug, Slow-ish burn, Sorry Jeremy Stans, Tags to be added, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell, Trans Rich Goranski, conviently they both have arms, expensive headphones, like not obnoxiously slow but they're clueless and scared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 04:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30016401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricsofteners/pseuds/fabricsofteners
Summary: It was a mantra. One he needed to repeat over and over, louder than the sloshing of the gasoline. He needed to repeat it over and over, over the sound of party goers downstairs.No Rich, no SQUIP.If he kept repeating it, he wouldn't have to hear her yelling at him. If he kept repeating it, the 'Fwoosh' of the flame on his match wouldn't feel heavier than the world.No Rich, no SQUIP.If he said it enough, he'd be less afraid. He wouldn't hear his own choked, frightened sobs.No Rich, no SQUIP.If he repeated it enough, if he repeated it loud enough, he wouldn't hear the screams of everyone he was endangering.No Rich, no SQUIP.It would be okay.No Rich, no SQUIP...Updates whenever I finish a chapter TBH. The world needs more Expensive Headphones.
Relationships: Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Kudos: 5





	Hopeless, Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up this isn't the fic for people who like Jeremy Heere. Kinda spoilers but like, I'm not writing Jeremy as a good person because I Don't Like him, so it that's gonna bug you, I won't be hurt if you don't want to read! Rather you click away now than I get you invested and rip out your Jeremy stanning heart. I hate him so he sucks, sorry fellas. 
> 
> I'm not going to write Rich's lisp for the entire thing, fret not. I know it's vaugely obnoxious to read at times, bear with me when it shows through - it's confusing if I don't make a clear distinction-

It was a mantra. One he needed to repeat over and over, louder than the sloshing of the gasoline. He needed to repeat it over and over, over the sound of party goers downstairs. 

_ No Rich, no SQUIP. _

If he kept repeating it, he wouldn't have to hear her yelling at him. If he kept repeating it, the ' _ Fwoosh _ ' of the flame on his match wouldn't feel heavier than the world. 

_ No Rich, no SQUIP. _

If he said it enough, he'd be less afraid. He wouldn't hear his own choked, frightened sobs. 

_ No Rich, no SQUIP.  _

If he repeated it enough, if he repeated it loud enough, he wouldn't hear the screams of everyone he was endangering. 

_ No Rich, no SQUIP.  _

It would be okay. 

_ No Rich, no SQUIP.  _

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

  
  


Hospitals had a really gross feeling. 

Not gross in a filth way, that would be against the whole point - gross in the way of… Being too clean. Everything was white and sterile, and it was uncomfortable. It wasn't helped when you were stuck listening to Kermit the fucking frog telling you how useless you were for getting yourself stuck here - which had been Rich Goranski's reality for a few days. Until one night everything changed and - leaving in its wake a killer headache - Kermit, his SQUIP, was gone. 

It hadn't been his fire that had caused it, but she was gone. 

The next day, when Rich woke up, the bed next to his was occupied with none other than Jeremy Heere, and the chair by Jeremy's bed was taken by his friend, Michael Mell. He couldn't see much of Jeremy what with the hospital blanket and gown, but Michael looked as he always did in school - bright red hoodie with all the patches, white headphones, seemingly trying to take up minimal room. 

Something about seeing another person, about someone in the hospital being visited, made Rich acutely aware he hadn't had a single visitor since Halloween. Rich... supposed it made sense, he had set his friend's house on fire. 

He wouldn't want to see himself, either.

But Michael was visiting - despite the fact Rich was rather sure that Jeremy was still knocked out - and it seemed he had noticed how Rich was awake. He watched as Michael slid his headphones off one ear.

" **Morning dude,** " He spoke from across the room, taking Rich by surprise. The fact the man chose to address him was shocking - after everything he'd done, it would have been completely unsurprising if Michael wanted nothing to do with him. 

He supposed it was probably just… uncomfortable to sit in silence with Rich for however long. 

Speaking of silence, Rich had definitely been thinking far too long.

" **Morning,** " he finally answered, blinking a few times, " **What'th-** " He couldn't stop the way he stopped speaking, taken by surprise by the lack of punishment for letting his lisp slip. It was the first time he'd spoken since the night prior when his SQUIP seemed to vanish, and the lack of an electric wave down his spine only confirmed it - his SQUIP was gone. 

He supposed that was also confirmed by the fact he was being allowed to speak to Michael. Even when his SQUIP had him harassing Jeremy, Michael was just collateral - the SQUIP wanted his interaction with Michael minimized. It zapped him anytime he tried to speak to him, or even  _ thought  _ of it. 

" **-rth to Rich?** " 

Rich jolted back into the real world, blinking a few times and returning his attention to Michael. 

" **Huh?** "

" **I asked if you're good. You like, completely zoned out.** " 

Rich had to think about his answer for a moment, whether or not he brought up the SQUIP. Though, he was… almost positive Michael knew about them from Jeremy, and he didn't think it could go too poorly. 

" **I got freaked the fuck out-** " he took a deep breath and prepared himself to simply get used to hearing his lisp for a bit, as he didn't particularly have the energy to fight it down right now, " **Cauthe my THQUIP ith gone. I can't like, hear it? It didn't do thit when I lithped.** " 

" **Oh, yeah! You were here when it happened. We like, killed them? Got rid of them?** " Michael tried to find the proper word, pausing to think, " **Whatever. Since Jere's linked to everyone's - even your's - the second we made one person drink Mountain Dew Red, they all crashed.** " 

" **Tho it'th… gone? Like-** **_gone_ ** **gone?** " Rich couldn't help the hopeful tone as he furrowed his eyebrows at Michael. 

Michael nodded, " **Yeah. Should be. Everyone else who got one seems to be okay now, Jere's the only one who got fucked up enough to land here. Well, and you, but-** " 

Rich understood. He'd seen his burn scars and skin grafts last time they'd swapped his bandages - he had other reasons for being in the hospital. 

" **Yeah,** " he nodded, " **Got it. Tho you like… Thaved my ath? Without…** " Without burning down his best friend's house. God. What was Rich thinking? 

" **Hey, Rich?** " 

" **Yeah?** " 

He didn't quite know why Michael was speaking to him when he was very clearly here for Jeremy, but he couldn't complain much. This was his first conversation with anyone besides a nurse since Halloween. 

Plus, it felt nice to do something his SQUIP wouldn't have liked. He hoped maybe the shitty computer could see from… CPU-Hell. Watching him flush it's hard work by speaking to 'antisocial headphones kid.' 

" **Did you uh… Do it because of the SQUIP?** " 

Rich dropped his eyes, towards his bed. He guessed it made sense  _ someone  _ would eventually ask why he'd set the fire. He had hoped maybe he'd get out of the hospital, though… Rich was pretty sure he didn't deserve that courtesy. Why would anyone respect an actual arsonist enough to wait to ask why he was an arsonist?

" **Yeah,** " he muttered, suddenly more upset about this full-body cast than before; he wished he could fidget with something, " **I uh… Yeah… I had a drink, and it wath like, my firtht time having a clear head in two yearth. And I thought about how I'd dragged Heere down with me, and I thuddenly… Wanted it gone. It didn't matter if I wathn't gonna be cool or popular, I jutht… Wanted to be back in my own head. Tho I tried to find the red thhit, but that thit was dithcontinued fucking yearth ago, tho I couldn't. And then it came back ath I thobbered up, and…** " 

Rich huffed, wishing he could wipe his eyes. He also wished he could shut the fuck up - he really shouldn't be spilling so much to Michael. He had literally tormented this man and his best friend for two years, and suddenly he thinks he has the right to vent about his problems? Rich felt like an entitled piece of shit, and yet his mouth wouldn't stop moving. 

" **And it wath back, and telling me I was a nobody without it, and I mean…** " He tried to shrug, wincing as he did, " **I gueth that like, I think it wath right? And- bathically. It couldn't hurt me or anyone elthe if it was gone. And-** " His mantra, those words he had to repeat to make himself came back to him as he sighed quietly, " **No Rich, no THQUIP.** " 

He sighed again, shaking his head. That was such a long explanation, and for what? He probably bored Michael to death. 

" **You were ready to like… die? To get rid of it?** " 

“ **Two-hundred and ten perthent,** ” Rich nodded, “ **Thorry that'th fucking thad but I'd feel like, extra thitty if I lied you know?** " 

" **Jesus Christ dude. You were fucking dealing with it huh?** "

" **More like I wathn't, dude, I wath going to-** " 

" **Mr. Mell?** " Rich was cut off as a nurse came in, he recognized her. She was his nurse, the one who had swapped his cast a few days prior - and judging by the bandages and other items on the cart she was pushing in front of her, it was time to repeat that process. Though at the moment, she was talking to Michael, " **I'm sorry sir, I hate to kick you out, but visiting hours are over.** " 

Michael nodded, standing up from his chair, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. 

" **See you, Rich.** " He nodded at Rich, and ducked past the nurse, out into the hallway. 

Rich had a few questions after that - was Michael going to visit tomorrow? It was pretty likely Jeremy wouldn't wake up for a few days - he was probably lucky, having already been in a hospital. Doctors like, making sure he didn't die. (Actually, now he thought about it, it was entirely plausible he'd missed a few days and just not realized… He guessed he should have asked Michael.) 

He supposed it didn't matter much, as the nurse warned him about the discomfort he may be in while his bandages change, as he'd probably be there longer than Jeremy no matter when he woke up. 

  
  


\------

  
  


Michael  _ did  _ come back the next day. He fully explained the story of the events at the school play, and told Rich how everyone was doing. Rich wanted to ask about Jake, specifically, how he was after the fire, but he was scared of the answer, and bit his tongue. He hadn't asked about anything related to the fire - Michael was a bit more blunt than Jeremy, and he was hopeful if he waited for Heere to wake up, he might get spared harsh wording. 

He was ready to hear everyone hated him, but he did want to hear it… softened. 

He came back the day after - and again after. The fourth day was when Rich woke up to a voice he hadn't heard in at  _ least  _ a week, no Michael in the room yet. 

" **Hello? Oh- ow, ow, ow, ow-** " 

That about confirmed it - Jeremy Heere was awake. 

" **Feelth like you're mithing a part of yourthelf, doethn't it?** " Rich asked as he made his head turn towards Jeremy, raising an eyebrow (he had thanked whatever was listening to his 'prayers' a few days prior those had survived the fire), waiting for Jeremy to answer. It did definitely feel like part of him was missing - though, he'd had his SQUIP for far longer than Jeremy, that might have just been him… Maybe he didn't want an answer. 

" **Rich?** " 

" **Hurth like a motherfucker, too!** " Rich chuckled, turning back to face in front of himself, confirming to himself he didn't want that answer, " **Be honetht, what are they thaying about me at thchool?** " 

He supposed he could have given Jeremy a chance to wake up, first, but he'd been waiting weeks to know who thought what of him. He knew he had set Jake's house on fucking fire, but it was still a little painful that none of his friends had shown up to visit him. Even to just tell him they hated him. 

Jeremy didn't answer for far too long for it to have been thought. 

" **That bad?** " 

" **Sorry…** " 

" **_Thorry?_ ** " Rich scoffed, shaking his head, " **I'm finally free of that thiny, happy hivemind!** " 

In his mind, behind the cast, Rich felt uncomfortable. Anxious - it was an entirely fresh start to life, basically. He'd lived the past two years on autopilot, and now he was sat at the steering wheel. But, he'd already told that shit to Michael. So instead of once again pouring out his soul, Rich lied and threw on some false confidence. 

" **Ath thoon ath I get out of here, ladieth will learn to love the** **_real_ ** **Richard Goranthki…** " Rich trailed off on that part, though as he did, there was a thought in the back of his mind - one he suddenly remembered forcing down freshman year, " **And the dudeth. Oh, my God,** **_I am totally bi…_ ** " 

Jeremy seemed completely uninterested in his epiphany, instead asking a very unrelated question - " **Your SQUIPs gone? How?** " (Rich was almost upset he didn't care - this bi thing was massive! To Rich anyway.) 

" **Athk your buddy! Antithocial headphoneth kid? He'th been by like, a ton by the way. What ith he, your boyfriend? No judgment!** " 

Jeremy stared at him a moment and shook his head, " **No?** " 

Rich nodded a bit before he continued speaking (he really would be wise to work on biting his tongue), " **Tho ith he thingle…? I'm totally bi now!** " 

...Rich really did talk a lot, didn't he? He should work on that. It was such a strange feeling, not having something telling him exactly what to say, that Rich found he couldn't figure out when it was the right time to stop talking. 

" **I'm sure someone will be very lucky to have you, Rich.** " 

Suddenly there was a hand on Rich's forehead, pushing him back to lay on his bed. A quick turn of his neck revealed the one and only 'Antisocial headphones kid,' and suddenly Rich felt a  _ little  _ bad his false confidence had led to him pretending he didn't know Michael's name. Of course he knew - Michael was the only non-nurse person Rich had spoken to in weeks. He had also just asked if he was single, which was a bit mortifying. He  _ really  _ had to work on biting his tongue. 

Nonetheless, Rich fell quiet, trying not to listen to Jeremy and Michael's conversation - though it was… rather difficult not to, the room was small and they didn't seem to understand whispering. Though, it was mostly Jeremy who should have learned. 

Rich gritted his teeth and tried harder to ignore it as he heard such lovely tidbits as " **Why did I have to get roomed with** **_him?_ ** " " **Isn't that a little counterproductive? What if he reSQUIPs me?** " " **Dude, he made my life Hell for two years!** " and " **Doesn't your mom work here? Couldn't have thrown in a good word?** " 

Of course, Rich knew Jeremy had every reason to hate him. He had given him the SQUIP - that same technology that had taken over his life for two years - technology he was ready to die to escape - he just handed right over to another person. And that aside, he had absolutely tormented Jeremy for those two years. Whether it was under the influence of the SQUIP or not, he had done it. 

He tried to fight back a smile when he heard Michael answer some of Jeremy's comments with " **Dude, you were dick when you had yours too. Rich is like, a whole different guy.** " 

Jeremy huffed, " **That's different.** " 

Rich didn't quite get how it was different, honestly. Michael had told Rich about those two months of Jeremy being SQUIPed, and he had been as much of a dick as Rich had been - maybe indirectly, but still… 

He bit his tongue anyway, though - it felt like a shitty idea to start something. If Jeremy wanted to be angry at him, he was allowed to do that. Rich couldn't  _ make  _ Jeremy forgive him for all the shit he'd done. 

He sank his head back down on his bed (like Michael had tried to make him do), closing his eyes. In attempt to tune out their conversation, Rich let himself think about that whole bisexual awakening. He wasn't sure what made him realize… Though, he figured his SQUIP didn't really want that to be something he came out with - he wasn't sure how 'cool' being bisexual was. 

God, he loved spiting that fucking frog. 

  
  


\-----

  
  


Jeremy was released later that day when visiting hours were over, leaving Rich alone again. Not that Michael or Jeremy had talked to him much, moreso each other, leaving Rich to watch some children's cartoons that his nurse had left on the TV. If his arms worked, he would have changed it. 

Either way, Jeremy was released, and Rich figured that would be the end of seeing people from school until he was released (which wasn't scheduled for almost two months. Apparently, severe burn scars were… Severe, and warranted what felt like centuries of hospital time.) 

But the next day, Michael came in the hospital room door again.

" **Hey Rich.** " 

" **Michael?** " He didn't mean to sound as surprised as he did, but holy shit. That was the last thing he expected. 

" **Yeah? Who else dude?** " This time, as Michael came into the room, he sat down in a chair closer to Rich's, sighing, " **You look like I'm a ghost, dude, chill.** " 

" **I jutht-** " Rich paused, shaking his head gently. He… hated the way his lisp sounded. It was the one thing he'd give the SQUIP, as he focused extra energy on annunciating the 's' sounds, " **I** **_just_ ** **didn't expect to** **_see_ ** **you back. Jeremy** **_is_ ** **gone, dude.** "

" **Yeah, but you're like… still here.** " 

That… didn't quite compute if you asked Rich. So what Rich was still here? Wasn't Jeremy his best friend? And Rich was just… his ex bully? Huh. 

He didn't want to ask, though. He didn't mind the company. 

" **What kinda** **_shit_ ** **do people** **_say_ ** **at** **_school_ ** **?** " Rich asked, keeping that same emphasis on his 's's. It took thought and effort, but… it felt worth it.

He had originally said he wouldn't ask Michael, but Jeremy hadn't told him much. And Rich would be a liar if he pretended he didn't want to know. Of course his popularity would wane, but… at what rate? Had a new controversy sparked? He  _ needed  _ to know, honestly.

Michael stared at him for a minute and leaned back in his chair. 

" **A lot,** " he held up a fist, and began holding up fingers as he listed things, " **That you fled to Bombay, that you're gay. Also, that you like, died? Apparently someone saw you in a bodybag.** " 

" **Wait, wait. Did I die or go to Bombay?** " 

" **Both, I guess,** " Michael shrugged, dropping his hand, " **I dunno. I didn't start the rumors dude.** "

" **Damn. Fuck it, I died in Bombay. Go back and confirm it for me, Michael. Tell them I told you on my own.** " 

It was frustrating to try and worm his way around words with 's' sounds - thinking over words he said a few times. It led to pauses in his conversation, brief moments where he had to think over every word, thinking of any hidden lisp-affected sounds he'd missed.

Michael didn't comment. 

" **Oh, yeah,** " he scoffed, " **Everyone would love to listen to me tell stories of** **_the_ ** **Rich Goranski, huh?** " 

" **Why not?** " Rich asked, " **You're** ** _friends_** **with Heere again now, right? Get him to tell 'em, now** ** _he's_** **all popular and** ** _shit._** **_Plus_** **I doubt I have any popular** ** _points_** **after I lit the** ** _coolest_** **dude in** ** _school's_** **actual home on fire.** " 

" **Actually,** " Michael shrugged, " **Jere told your group of friends - Jake, Christine, Brooke, Chloe, and Jenna - about the SQUIPs. I don't think they're still like, upset - I don't think Jake ever was, actually.** " .

" **I don't think Jake can be mad. Fuck,** " Rich wished he could hide his face in his hands. Instead, he leaned back to stare at the ceiling, " **For the** **_coolest_ ** **motherfucker in that goddamn building, Jake** **_is_ ** **the fucking** **_sweetest_ ** **bitch.** " 

" **Yeah… Jere's been making me hang out with them now they're like, cool? And he and Brooke threw me for huge curveballs man. For the big bad cool kids they're so nice?** " 

Rich laughed at the mention of Brooke, knowing first hand how she was. Definitely one of the school mean girls - but also, one of the sweetest girls he knew. 

He wanted to make a comment or maybe tell Michael a story about Brooke being nice, maybe the first time when it had genuinely frightened him, how sweet she was, but instead, he had a realization. 

Before he could tell himself it wasn't Michael's job to talk to his friends (even if they were Michael's friends too now) for him, the words were spilling from his mouth. 

" **They're not mad right?** **_So…_ ** **Why haven't they come to** **_see_ ** **me?** " He asked, unwilling to meet Michael's eyes, still staring at the ceiling. 

He missed listening to Jake talk about his tons of extracurriculars and calling him 'bro' ever three words. He missed Chloe and how she always bordered on wearing  _ too much  _ of that pretty-smelling perfume she wore. He missed how sometimes Jenna would ask about his life because she cared, not for gossip… He missed how Brooke pretended she didn't care about him, but had begun carrying around a mini first-aid kid after the first few times she'd seen Rich come in with new injuries… 

Fuck, Rich missed his friends. 

He knew he didn't have the right too, he knew he fucked up… But God, did Rich hope they were still his friends. 

" **Oh, uh… Honestly dude, I think they're kinda scared? Plus Jake doesn't want to be in a hospital again right now.** " 

Rich nodded, sighing, " **Yeah. I get that, I think.** "

They fell into a silence - Rich found himself not hating it. Quiet wasn't filled with berating from his SQUIP anymore. 

Soon enough, Michael left as visiting hours ended, with parting words of " **See you, Rich.** " 

Rich couldn't help but hope he'd see him tomorrow, too. 

\-----

His hope almost pays off - the next day, he can't take visitors as finally got his damn cast off. The day after, though, Michael Mell once again made his way into the room, sitting in the same chair as before. 

" **Okay,** " he said before Rich could even greet him, " **Don't tell your nurse but I brought a gift.** " 

" **You brought a fucking huh?** " Rich asked, sitting up to try and take a peek. He was curious - a gift? What was the occasion? 

" **Lookit,** " Michael grinned, reaching into his bag and pulling something out. He checked over his shoulder, at the door, before standing up and showing Rich. 

_ Mountain Dew Red.  _

" **What?** " Rich couldn't help the question, " **I mean,** **_shit_ ** **. I don't not** **_appreciate_ ** **the thought but my** **_SQUIP is_ ** **gone, dude.** " 

" **Duh. But like, I figured maybe you’d want to taste it for yourself? Since you were the first one to get stuck with the thing.** " 

Huh. 

" **Huh,** " Rich nodded, understanding the thought process, " **Yeah, that… Alright. Hand it over,** **_Headphones._ ** " 

Rich sat up even straighter, taking the bottle from Michael's hands. He winced a bit at the scars on his hand getting contact with something other than his blankets for the first time in two weeks, but forced the bottle unscrewed anyway. 

He chugged the entire thing without taking a breath, which probably wasn't particularly healthy. It wasn't good - it had gone flat God knew how long ago and was certainly on it's way to being fucking poisonous. Even so, when it was empty, he collapsed against his bed, a stupidly wide grin on his face. 

Michael took the bottle from him, tossing it back in his bag. 

" **I know it didn't kill your SQUIP, but did it do anything?** " 

" **I feel** **_accomplished_ ** **,** " Rich admitted, " **I…** **_Honestly,_ ** **it ticked me off that Heere beat the damn thing after two** **_months_ ** **when I couldn't do it in two** **_years._ ** **I didn't beat it but… drinking that** ," he flicked his hand towards Michael's bag, " **I feel like I did** **_something._ ** **A little.** " 

" **Jeremy got lucky. He didn't really beat it, he exploited a bullshit loophole. Christine's SQUIP just made her listen to his every desire, so he wanted her to drink. His genuinely just tried to get him laid but… your's probably wouldn't do that, right? Just told you to shut up and listen to it or whatever. Jere just found a cheat code.** " 

Rich nodded, remembering most his interactions with his SQUIP. She was… Michael wasn't far off. 

She was harsh. 

" **Hey, did Heere ever tell you what form it took for him?** " Rich asked, sitting up again. 

" **No?** " Michael raised an eyebrow behind his glasses. 

" **He didn't tell me either, but can I tell you mine?** " Rich tilted his head to the side. He wasn't sure what about Michael made him want to talk, but he did. He was easy to talk to. But even if they weren't talking, the silences they had were enjoyable… 

Rich liked Michael's company, he decided.

" **Go for it, dude. Now I'm curious.** " 

Rich grinned again, " **Her default** ** _was_** **Lara Croft, I think. But like, I made her constantly appear** ** _as_** **Kermit the frog. I thought it** ** _was_** **fucking** ** _hilarious._** **Imagine having a goddamn muppet tell you you're** ** _worthless_** **for two** ** _years._** **It** ** _still hurts,_** **but it definitely like, cheapened** **the blow a little when I looked at her**. **Dude, my 'get cool quick' trick took form of frog** ** _conversion_** **therapy.** " 

Michael stared at him for quite a long moment before he lifted his hand to his mouth, beginning to laugh. It seemed he was trying to stifle it, though it wasn't working. At all. 

" **_Deadass?_ ** " He asked between laughter, looking as though he was begging Rich to be serious. 

The laugh coming from Michael was so genuine that it stopped Rich in his tracks. He almost missed the question as he found himself completely lost in the sound. 

After a moment though, he blinked himself back to reality, and nodded, beginning to laugh himself. 

" **I'm** **_deadass._ ** " 

" **Please tell me I'm not an asshole for laughing, Rich.** " 

Rich stared at him for a moment before he began to properly laugh, too. It was a weird feeling - he… didn't quite know when he'd last laughed without being told to. 

It may have just been the freedom from his SQUIP - but Rich was really enjoying this time with Michael. He hoped he didn't stop coming. 

He… wanted to laugh with him more. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a great writer but I wanted to try my hand at something properly multi-chapter, and expensive headphones has robbed me of my thoughts, so... Why not try with them? Let's goo
> 
> Updates of this come out whenever I finish a chapter, tbh, very sorry about that if you end up live-reading. I know how it feels. But... I'm lazy, so I'm not setting a schedule.
> 
> Uhhhh yeah!
> 
> Please comment I'm so desperate tbh


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